On weddings, long careers, luck and third lives

“Twenty years from now you’ll be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

- Mark Twain

A friend of mine in Venice – Monica Cesarato, who incidentally gives fantastic food tours of the city and cookery lessons – starts off every day on her Twitter account with an inspirational quote. I like this one a lot.

Forty-one years ago, I sailed away on the trade winds from my safe harbour to this one in Dublin and with it found a new country, a proper career, marriage, a home and a golden child who is now pursuing his own dreams.

“I am the luckiest woman in the world,” I mentioned to one of my oldest friends last week, a couple of days after her youngest son’s wedding. We were sitting in her sunny garden. “We both are,” she replied.

“So how was it?” I asked the new mother of the groom. We were grateful to have been left us off the tiny guest list despite our long, close friendship.

“It was great, even if it wasn’t what they originally planned,” she replied, showing me the hotel reception pictures on her mobile phone.

“Just like a big family dinner, along with their best pals, except in a much nicer venue (a beautiful candle-lit marquee) with someone else doing all the cooking and cleaning up afterwards.”

We share a practical streak, this friend and me. We believe weddings should be fun, not fretful – especially of the final bill, which in this case was more than €10,000 less than the original budget.

Her son is an engineer and new daughter-in-law, a physiotherapist. They are both in their early 30s and bought their first house about five years ago with the help of an inheritance from a grandparent. Prices were rising but still doable then and their modest mortgage, manageable. The house is now worth nearly €100,000 more than they paid.

They finally got married, she said, because they’d like to return to Australia where they first met and had worked for a couple of years after leaving university.

“They figured that being married, in addition to their skills and a healthy bank balance once they sell their house, will make it easier for them to emigrate once the Australians open up again,” my friend explained. “They have an idea to start their own business, something to do with wine and fitness I think.”

How’s that for throwing off the bowlines and aiming to catch the trade winds?

The newlyweds have been pouring over their finances as the plan to emigrate and change careers has taken off. “Oh, and they finally made their wills, which they should have done when they bought the house,” said my friend.

Not having to pay for a lavish, expensive wedding “has been their Covid bonus.”

Achieving a dream is a lot easier when your finances aren’t a mess and you are not dragging around suffocating personal debt (I speak from experience having landed at Dublin airport all those years ago with a portable typewriter and modest savings).

My friend and her husband who are nearing retirement in the next year appreciate just how fortunate their children are, not to mention themselves, the first generation to have enjoyed universal free education, better pensionable employment opportunities for men and women, and affordable housing. Their post retirement ‘third life’ is waiting to be explored and I certainly look forward to enjoying more of their company.

I began easing into my third life about five years ago when I turned 60 and I was able to really pursue travel and art history interests that been postponed mainly due to a very busy career (and more recently by COVID-19).

As the great pandemic comes to an end I can feel the trade winds rustling my sturdy little boat’s sails: I have things to do, people and places to see.

This is my last syndicated MoneyTimes column. It’s been a pleasure and privilege to write about personal finance issues every week for the past 21 years and I hope I have been some service to readers. Thank you for all feedback and queries.

You will still catch periodic personal finance perusals on my Twitter account – see @JillKerby - and plans are afoot for a podcast series with another old journalist pal who has enjoyed a thriving third life for over 20 years after retraining to become a successful retirement planning coach.

Back in my other friend’s sunny back garden last week, as we reminisced about our long careers and good fortune, I couldn’t help repeating an old adage: ‘You plan. God laughs.’

“I think too much planning can spoil the journey,” she smiled. “I’m looking forward to just seeing where time takes us.”

* On behalf of our readers, the management and staff of The Anglo-Celt wish to thank Jill for all her hard work and shrewd financial advice over many years in this column. We wish her the best in her semi-retirement and look forward to following her on Twitter and listening to her podcasts