When children don't have to be good at everything

Viktoriia Kantseva

September always brings a very particular change of rhythm. The summer holidays slowly disappear, school starts again, WhatsApp groups come back to life and parents begin thinking about what their children will do after school.

Dance, football, gymnastics, swimming, music, drama – there are plenty of options, and at some point every parent starts asking the same question: what should my child try this year?

Coming from Ukraine, I thought I already knew the answer.

When I was growing up, afterschool activities often felt like something you were supposed to become good at. If a child went to dance classes, gymnastics or music lessons, there was usually a clear idea of where it was going. You practised, improved, performed and eventually stood on a stage while your parents proudly watched from the audience.

I remember how much effort went into these activities. Costumes had to be prepared, special shoes bought, rehearsals attended, competitions organised and performances practised again and again. Parents often became almost as involved as the children, carrying bags full of costumes and equipment from one class to another.

There was a lot of pride in seeing a child become good at something, and I still understand that feeling. Discipline, persistence and the ability to work towards a result are valuable things to learn early in life.

So when I started looking for activities for my daughter in Ireland, I naturally expected something similar.

Instead, I found myself looking at it all rather differently. There are plenty of children’s activities here, from Irish dancing and GAA to swimming, gymnastics, drama and all kinds of local sports. But the atmosphere around them often feels much more relaxed. At first, I wasn’t quite sure what to make of it.

Where were the serious rehearsals? Why wasn’t everyone worrying about perfect technique? Why did it seem perfectly fine for children to go to football training, get covered in mud, lose a match and still come home happy?

I think it took me a while to understand that perhaps the point was exactly that.

A seven-year-old doesn’t necessarily need every hobby to lead somewhere. They can go to dance because they like dancing. They can play football because they enjoy running around with their friends.

They can try an instrument, discover that they don’t like it and move on to something else. And I really like that idea.

In Ukraine, I think we are quite good at teaching children to strive.

We want them to work hard, improve and become good at what they do, and there is nothing wrong with that. I still admire the discipline and dedication that can come from this approach.

But living in Ireland has made me think more about the other side of childhood.

What if a child doesn’t have to be good at everything they try? What if sometimes a hobby can simply be a hobby?

I have started to appreciate the sight of children running around outside in the rain, laughing in muddy clothes, while the adults stand nearby without worrying too much about the score.

There is something very nice about seeing children enjoy themselves without anyone expecting them to turn every activity into an achievement.

They are not building a career. They are not preparing for an important competition. They are just playing. And perhaps we sometimes forget how valuable that is.

As parents, we naturally want to give our children opportunities. We want them to discover their talents, develop useful skills and have confidence in themselves. But there is also something to be said for giving them a place where nobody expects them to achieve anything. My daughter may grow up to be very good at something. She may discover a passion and decide she wants to work hard at it, and when that happens, I will happily support her. But for now, I am learning to appreciate another possibility too. Maybe she can spend an afternoon doing something simply because she enjoys it, come home tired and covered in mud, tell me about something funny that happened at training, and never once worry about whether she was the best.

There will be plenty of time in life to become good at things.

For now, perhaps it is enough to enjoy them