Though Immigrant Eyes: Twelve roses and one tooth

- Viktoriia Kantseva -

If you have ever spent time around a Ukrainian, you may have noticed a few habits that seem a little unusual. Perhaps you have seen them suddenly sit down in complete silence just before leaving for a journey. Maybe you have noticed a moment of confusion when they are presented with a bouquet of 12 roses. Or perhaps you have wondered why their face looks so serious on an ordinary morning walk, as if they are solving a complicated problem in their head.

Growing up in Ukraine, I never thought twice about any of this. Sitting down before a journey, counting flowers, saying strange little phrases when something went wrong – these were simply things people did.

Living in Ireland has made me notice them again, and sometimes appreciate how funny they must look from the outside. Take sitting down before a journey. Before any long trip, my family would always “sit down for the road”. Everyone stops what they are doing, sits on a suitcase or a nearby chair and stays there quietly for a few seconds. Nobody really explains why. We just do it. There is usually a small moment of silence, someone suddenly remembers something they have forgotten to pack, and then eventually somebody says, “Right, let’s go.”

After years of doing it, I still find something comforting about this little ritual. The whole house pauses for a moment before you leave it behind.

Then there is the strict Ukrainian law of flowers. For happy occasions, we give an odd number of flowers: three, five, seven or nine. An even number is traditionally associated with funerals, so receiving twelve roses for your birthday can produce a brief moment of internal panic before your rational brain catches up and reminds you that nobody is trying to send you a message from beyond the grave.

I still count flowers automatically. Our language has its own collection of expressions that become even more entertaining when you translate them literally into English. When a Ukrainian is exasperated because the same problem has happened yet again, they might sigh and say, “Again 25!” Nobody really knows why it is 25, but everyone understands exactly what it means.

It is the Ukrainian equivalent of that moment when you realise you are having the same conversation for the 10th time. If someone is worrying too much about a small problem, we might say they are “making an elephant out of a fly”. When a friend is feeling miserable, we tell them not to “hang their nose”. And if we want to promise that we are telling the absolute truth, we can say, “I give you my tooth.”

I have always loved these expressions, partly because nobody in Ukraine finds them strange. They are just part of everyday speech, passed from one generation to another without anyone stopping to wonder why an elephant has suddenly become involved.

There are other things that are less about words and more about the way we look. I have lost count of the number of times an Irish person has asked me if I am all right when, as far as I know, I was simply walking down the street. There is a certain seriousness to the neutral Ukrainian face that can be surprising in Ireland, where a friendly smile, eye contact and “Hi, how are you?” are such a normal part of everyday interaction. It took me a while to realise that my face was apparently communicating much more than I intended.

Living between two cultures has made me realise how many tiny rules we carry with us without ever questioning them. Some disappear when you move abroad. Others stay with you for years. Sometimes you only notice them when someone from another culture looks at you as if you have just done something completely bizarre.

So the next time you see a Ukrainian sitting quietly on their suitcase before a journey, carefully counting the flowers in a bouquet, looking unusually serious on a morning walk or telling someone not to “hang their nose”, don’t worry. They probably know exactly what they are doing. And if they suddenly tell you, “Again 25!”, there is probably no need to ask why. You may never get a satisfactory answer anyway.

But if they offer you their tooth, that’s when I would pay attention.