Finding a ‘safe space’ to transition

Victoria hasn't looked back since TG4 documentary

Cavan native Victoria van der Spek is going beyond to promote gay pride, specifically to help those in the transgender community. Reporter Gemma Good caught up with her recently.

It's just over a year ago since Victoria was one of the subjects of a TG4’s documentary ‘Trans’. It followed her and her friend Max’s journey as they both switched gender roles together.

“As far as the documentary has gone, it’s been fantastic,” Victoria said of the venture.

“A lot of people found that it was useful, especially older people who haven’t 'come out' in 50 or 60 years,” she explained. Many people have reached out to her on Facebook since asking for guidance on what was once considered a 'taboo' subject.

“That’s why a lot of older people are only coming out now, they’ve been trapped their whole lives, they’ve just been too afraid to come out.

“They just didn’t know what transgender was, like I didn’t for multiple years,” she said, adding it was a concept only seen on TV.

Parents of children wishing to change gender have also contacted Victoria, which she encouraged.

“I’ve definitely made an impact and I’m very happy with that.

“It’s a much better time to be trans.”

More work to do

Despite movements in the right direction, Victoria explained that “there’s still more work to do” with obstacles such as waiting lists, financial and emotional difficulties hindering people from transitioning.

“Medically there is a massive waiting list for a lot of things... The longer you wait, the more impact it can have on your body and the less receptive it will be to other hormones. It is a time sensitive issue for a lot of people,” she explained. “Not having the correct hormones can have negative impacts on your mental health.”

Regarding legal issues when changing gender, Victoria said Ireland is “relatively okay” if the person identifies as binary transgender. This means that the person identifies as male or female. For non-binary people – those who do not identify as male or female - Victoria said there is a lot more work to do.

“Legally there’s no real acceptance for non-binary people,” she said. This means they may have difficulty receiving funding and can be treated differently by medical professionals.

“They think that there may be a very high rate of people dropping out from transitioning,” she explained.

Victoria contradicted this belief.

“No one takes it [the decision] lightly... it will change your life forever.”

Victoria said, when people say they want to transition, a lot of people ask ‘Are you sure about this?’

“This person may have been thinking over this for 60 years,” she says, making the point that, if someone has the courage to make this revelation, they are sure.

There is little financial support for those wishing to transition, with many people setting up personal fundraisers on platforms such as Go Fund Me.

“There’s multiple steps and each step costs money," says Victoria, explaining that there are financial as well as social challenges to transitioning.

She praised organisations such as Transgender Equality Networks Ireland (TENI) and Belong To, who provide “fantastic” support to people.

“I came out originally in Cavan during the Leaving Cert,” she explained, the “very stressful” time.

“It was massively weighing on my mental health and affecting my studies.”

While her transgender journey began in County Cavan, Victoria recommended that people move to a different area, in Victoria’s case this was Galway.

“A lot of people especially in rural Ireland might feel very isolated,” she said, adding there is “absolutely” a need for more supports in Cavan.

“It is useful for a lot of trans people to go to a different space where a lot of people wouldn’t know you by a certain name.

“It can feel safer... Galway has a lot of LGBTQ supports where Cavan tends to not.”

Victoria praised her parents who were “very supportive” of her choices but is conscious this is not the case for everyone.

“Unfortunately, that’s not the common story.

“The majority of trans people I know have tenuous relationships with their parents,” she remarked, adding that have a terrible effect on mental health.

Victoria gave her advice to those who do wish to change gender.

“Online spaces can be very good but you have to be careful if you are very young,” she warned.

She advised people to get involved in the LGBTQ community in their area and said “finding what transitioning means to you” is extremely important.

To support someone wishing to change gender, Victoria said the most important thing is to allow space for them to speak about their emotions. She encouraged people to use the person’s preferred name and pronoun and, if it is unknown, just ask.

“A good rule is that, if you make a mistake, point it out to someone else and then try to think of five unique sentences with that person’s name and pronouns.”

She also recommended a shopping trip to buy clothes for someone who is transitioning.

“Even if you are low on money, going to a charity store and getting some clothes, which are cheap and gender affirming, is always a beneficial thing to do.

“Clothes can be a really powerful way to identify yourself.”

Victoria has not looked back since transitioning and has been living her best life in Galway, where she spent lockdown practicing her voice with the help of her supportive housemates.

“If you transition, it won’t fix all of your life problems but it will make a lot of your life better,” Victoria said, pointing out that finding a supportive network is the “real long-term way to find happiness".

“If you feel safe, try to come out.. find a space in which you feel safe,” she concluded.