Letter to the Editor: Time for men to shut up and listen

Madam,

Sometimes, without warning, the world offers us a painful reminder of how messed up we all are. On Wednesday, a woman was attacked and killed in Tullamore, and on Thursday, we found out that her name was Ashling Murphy. Today, I cannot help but feel that it’s almost as if some of the reaction online to this tragic event is a painful reminder of how women are not listened to in our society.

I am sure that many of you have come across the #notallmen that has circulated on social media. I was fascinated by the momentum that it was building, but then thought better of it. I decided to shut up and listen to the women who have suffered abuse and fear and learn something. If women are feeling unsafe, what business had I to interject? Instead, the men should respond with empathy and compassion while acknowledging that the issue isn’t that #notallmen are killers, rapists, and overall bad men. The issue is that one in five women will be attacked in their lifetime. It’s not on women to fix this issue. It is on the men.

For the women who read this, I want you to know that I am sorry that you ever felt unsafe. I will never know how it feels to have to text my friends to tell them that I am home, to keep my location pinned on my phone, to make sure that I am always in the light. I will never have to experience clutching onto my house keys ready to attack in defence. I can imagine some men will be sat with your arms folded in resistance. This isn’t the time to resist and feel insecure. This is the time to listen intently.

A survey conducted in my own classroom of 28 Leaving Cert female students found that all of them had experienced sexual harassment in public spaces. Upon questioning, very few felt that their voice would be heard if they told anyone. As a teacher in a school of over 700 students, it should concern not only me, but all of us, that there are few spaces where our girls exist and where their voices are valued and amplified.

Readers, none of this is rhetoric. It is fact. Our schools know it, our community knows it, our government knows it. The ill-treatment of women is a huge threat to society. Surely the first step is to take girls seriously. By hearing what they have to say, what they fear, and by understanding their words and opinions. There will be some men who will argue that this is not just a woman’s problem, that some men are afraid to walk home alone too. Not all men are killers, rapists and attackers. Not all men creep up on women as they walk home at night or go for a run, but all women don’t feel safe, so I feel compelled to urge the men in society to keep quiet and listen to what is being said.

Instead of just imagining a future where girls have a seat at the table, let’s offer them the mic to shape the future.

Yours etc,

Niall Leavey,Cavan

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