An eating disorder is about more than a number on a scale

Marie Duffy, See Change Ambassador, bravely speaks about her battle with an eating disorder...

I was 16 when I was diagnosed with an eating disorder. It all began when I went on a diet to lose some weight before a summer holiday. At the time it seemed normal to go on a diet - the media bombarded people with diet tips all the time, and all my friends seemed to be on diets even when they didn’t need to lose any weight. Everywhere you looked there were ads on TV talking about healthy eating and eating clean.

I started off trying to be healthier but I now realise that I took it to the extreme and, although I thought I was being healthy by cutting out certain foods and sticking to healthy foods, I went on to experience an eating disorder which was to last over 20 years. My eating disorder was about more than weight or food and became a way for me to cope with difficult emotions and the stress of school and exams.

Although I started off trying to be healthier, within a few months I noticed that my thoughts around food began to change. I felt guilty when I ate certain foods that I felt were bad. If I couldn’t go for a walk after eating, I felt anxious and very overwhelmed. I lost a lot of weight in a short period of time. This extreme dieting went on for two years before a teacher encouraged me to seek help from my GP.

I was referred to a psychologist by my teacher and then to a dietician a while after that. It can take some time for these supports to come into place so I think it is really important to seek help as early as you can.

For most of this time, I was a normal weight so it wasn’t as obvious to others the torture I was putting my body through. There is a stereotype that someone with an eating disorder needs to be skeletal thin but that’s not true. Most people with an eating disorder are of average weight or above it. This can often lead to it taking longer to get a diagnosis as it can make it easier to hide from others.

If I could go back now to that scared teenager who first started struggling with food, I would tell her that everything was going to be okay but she needed to learn to let others support her through this difficult time. I would tell her that she doesn’t have to be Usain Bolt and that life is a marathon and not a sprint. Slow and steady wins the race.

Support services for eating disorders were not as readily available when I needed them but help has improved in recent years. It’s important not to be discouraged, to persevere and get the support you need. The first step should be to see your GP and to talk to them if you have any concerns about yourself or a family member or friend.

They hear from people going through similar things every day so don’t be ashamed or embarrassed to reach out. Let someone you trust know how you have been feeling. This can be tough as you may not want to worry them but they would be far more concerned if you were to become extremely unwell.

SUPPORT

Bodywhys is the National Eating Disorders Association in Ireland and has lots of helpful information on its website about getting support. They also offer online support groups, which many people find very helpful.

Check out: www.bodywhys.ie

Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123, Pieta on 1800-247-247, Text Hello to 50808, email phil@shine.ie or find more information online at: www.yourmentalhealth.ie