Estranged couple told to ‘grow up’ for kids’ sake

A COUPLE were told to “grow up and parent your children” during a hearing at Cavan District Court.

The Co Cavan couple, who cannot be named, both attended the local court for the husband to answer two charges of breaching a protection order.

However, his estranged wife nearly found herself in custody after presiding judge Raymond Finnegan said a video she presented to court from a bodycam she had taken to wearing around the house for her “safety” showed her being the “aggressor”.

“I think this couple should be ashamed of themselves,” Judge Finnegan said after he heard evidence on both matters.

When the woman was sworn in, she outlined for the court how she is “going through a separation” from her partner and the couple have three children aged 12, eight and four years. She also explained how she obtained a protection order against her husband in January 2025.

She claimed he breached the order on January 20, 2025, which was a Monday evening, and her day for taking their son to his soccer training or matches.

When she was unable to take the child to soccer, she arranged with a neighbour to take him instead but, she claimed an altercation arose between her and the child’s father when he insisted he would take their son to his match.

“He arrived in early for him and started saying: ‘I’m taking him, I’m taking him’ and I told him it’s my night and the neighbour is taking him,” the mother said in evidence.

“He started shouting, calling me names in front of the children, said I was a bad mother,” the woman continued. “I started crying. We were all frightened.”

The woman said that her estranged partner physically assaulted her as she was trying to protect their son.

“It was just a shove. I was trying to protect [child’s name] and he pushed me out of the way.”

When the man’s solicitor took up questioning, she established the couple separated two years ago. The solicitor put it to the wife that her ex-husband was “very involved” in their children’s lives and he had taken their son to soccer practice 22 times from September 2024 until the incident in January 2025.

“Can my client not be involved in his son’s activities?” Denise Cassidy asked the woman. “Would you not accept this is a storm in a teacup?” the solicitor asked.

“No, it’s about your client coming into the house and causing an argument,” the man’s wife replied, “I bring [our son] to soccer on Monday nights.”

At this juncture, Judge Raymond Finnegan asked: “Would it not be better that the child goes with his father instead of a neighbour?”

The woman said: “Yes, if he sent a message to tell me so I didn’t make arrangements with the neighbour and not cause a row in front of the kids.” She said their son is very friendly with the neighbour’s child.

Clearly irritated, Judge Finnegan said he would dismiss the charge.

In the next matter, the prosecution said they would show the judge a video taken from bodycam footage.

Taken aback, the judge asked: “Who has the bodycam?” and the woman told him “I’ve been wearing one since last March for safety”.

Judge Finnegan let out a long sigh and muttered: “Ah dear.”

The video played to the courtroom showed the husband pull up in his car at the back of the house after work. The couple’s children were sitting around a table doing what appeared to be homework or arts and crafts.

As the husband made to make his way into the house, his estranged wife stops him and talks to him through the glass in the back door asking: “Are you calm?”. She tells him she is afraid before adding: “Now, let’s try this again” warning him “not in front of the children”.

When they saw their dad, the three children jumped up from the table and ran to greet him taking them out of the view of their mother’s bodyworn camera. The children could be heard squealing with excitement and shouting: “Daddy!” The rest of the five-minute video showed a view of the kitchen as the mother carried out chores.

After watching the footage, Judge Finnegan said: “I only saw one aggressor and it wasn’t [the husband].

“Now it’s a question of whether I proceed to convict [the woman] because she was the aggressor.”

Solicitor for the wife said his client wanted to show the video to prove her ex-husband had made false allegations about the evening in question.

Niall Fox said the husband “made a statement to gardaí and everything in the statement is false according to that footage”.

“I’m watching things in real time,” the judge replied. “It shows [the woman] being the only aggressor. A mother going around wearing bodycam in front of her children just causes fear as far as I am concerned,” he said before adding: “I’m dismissing that as well.”

The wife’s solicitor read from the husband’s garda statement in which he said “she was aggressive” and “she had a knife in her hand”.

“That’s just not what happened,” Mr Fox said at which point the man’s solicitor said her client “just wants to move on”.

“I think this couple should be ashamed of themselves,” Judge Finnegan said.

“A mother walking around with a bloody bodycam on her to get one up on her husband!” he retorted and, speaking directly to the couple the judge said: “Will you grow up and parent your children and get on with your lives.”