“Cavan Farmer discovers ‘Self-Milking Cow’ that only works on weekends”

Ballyconnell, Co. Cavan - Local farmer Seamus Reilly has stunned neighbours and confused agricultural experts after claiming one of his cows has learned to milk itself - saving him both time and “a fair bit of electricity.”

According to Seamus, the cow, affectionately named “Máire,” began the unusual behaviour last month. “I came out on a Saturday morning,” he said, “and there she was, standing over the bucket like she owned the place. Not a bother on her.”

While initially dismissed as “nonsense” at the local mart, several neighbours have since reported hearing “suspicious bucket noises” early on weekend mornings.

However, the phenomenon appears to have one major limitation.

“She won’t do a tap Monday to Friday,” Seamus admitted. “I think she believes in a work-life balance.”

A spokesperson for the Irish Farmers’ Association declined to comment directly but stated they are “always interested in innovations that reduce labour—though this may be pushing it.”

Meanwhile, locals have begun calling to the farm, with some offering to “train” their own cows by letting them watch Máire in action.

Seamus remains optimistic. “If she starts doing the accounts as well, I’ll retire.”