A small step for men's mental health

Promoting positive mental health among men in Cavan took a big step forward in recent weeks with the help of one man who wants to use his own experience to help others.

Gabriel Higgins met The Anglo-Celt in BC Fitness last Wednesday afternoon. He had already been in the gym facility about eight hours earlier for the launch of his weekly ‘When No One’s Watching’ (WNOW) mornings. Every Wednesday at 6am, he is inviting men from around Cavan to join him for about 40 minutes of light exercise and a tea/coffee and a chat afterwards. He has established a Cavan branch of the Australian WNOW initiative, set up by two Irish men David Eccles and Tadhg Kennelly.

“Its premise is, lads come together at 6am all over the globe in their location,” Gabriel tells the Celt. They do their exercise, all to their own pace for about 40 minutes, before enjoying a coffee and a chat for about 20 minutes afterwards.

“It’s up to the lads to open up, so it could be as simple as, is anybody a mechanic here I have trouble with my car or it could be someone talking about a death.

“It depends on the person and how they want to open up about it,” explains Gabriel.

The initiative launched bright and early last Wednesday (September 17) morning. He admits it’s an early start, but nothing beats the feeling of getting some exercise in before the day even begins.

“We had three lads out, myself included. I’m not expecting big numbers at the beginning. It’s about growing this into sustainable numbers rather than having a big influx.”

Each of the men agreed to return next week and bring a friend along with them. Like this, he hopes to “steadily” grow Cavan’s WNOW chapter.

“The overall goal is about getting men out and getting them comfortable in their own skin, being able to open up I suppose.”

As someone who has come through a hard time in life, Gabriel says it is “for sure” difficult for men to have a conversation about how they are feeling. WNOW encourages men to “drop the body armour” and speak about what is on their mind.

Gabriel lost his father Jim to suicide when he was just aged 13 years. The father of three admits he didn’t realise the impact this had on his life until he reached adulthood.

Having flunked his first year in college and drinking too much, he says “God knows where I could have ended up if I didn’t seek help.

“Nothing was mattering to me; I think that was the problem. I didn’t care if I was getting in trouble. I wasn’t caring about anybody else; it was about me. I was doing things to aid me but it was always a negative impact.

“I needed to get out of that situation which I did. I have a lovely wife now and I have three kids here in Ballyjamesduff. I was delighted that I managed to put myself back on the right path.”

Today, Gabriel carries “no shame” in sharing his experience and hopes it will help others.

“I went and spoke to someone professional about it, and they changed my thinking in 10 weeks,” he reveals, describing how this helped him come to terms with his father’s death.

Having just completed a postgraduate degree in medical devices, Gabriel wanted to throw himself into something that would benefit himself and others in the community. He is joining about 4,500 people in seven countries who participate in the WNOW initiative globally.

Living in the area for five years now, Gabriel left his circle of friends at home in Longford, and recalls how it took some time to meet people in his new community.

“That’s the whole premise of WNOW, it really is just to get men comfortable, out of their skin and be able to share experiences.”

Having overcome difficulties in his own life, the 35 year old “absolutely” thinks it is difficult for men to speak about how they are feeling.

“You’d talk about anything over a drink, no problem. If you met someone on the street and you heard they were going through a bad time, and you brought it up, they’d say ‘ah I’m grand’.”

He says this is the objective of the WNOW, giving people a space to come together and be able to talk about a bad week.

Men of all ages are welcome to attend on Wednesday mornings, no matter what walk of life they are on.

Separately, Gabriel has set up a support group for those bereaved by suicide, the next meeting of which will take place on October 8 at 8pm in St Joseph’s Hall in Ballyjamesduff. He is giving people a space to share their experience with others and is keen to point out that this is not a professional therapy group. Launched this month, six people turned up to the first meeting.

“All I know is what I’ve learned myself. I don’t intend to lecture people, I just chair the meeting and if people want to open up or not that’s up to themselves.”

He believes it is “massively important” for people to have such support in the area. Recently at work, Gabriel was handed a leaflet with suicide supports, but he thinks more is needed.

“You need to show action and that’s what I’m trying to do.”

“I’m at a point now where I want to share my experience in a good positive way.”

While he is doing his part for his local community, Gabriel says he would love to see psychologists go into schools and workplaces to talk to people and giving the option to speak to them if they are going through a hard time, it is something he plans to campaign for in his own workplace.

“I’d love that to be done,” he says.

For more information on the WNOW group or on the support group, Gabriel can be contacted on 087-2189517.