Cavan mother and daughter say fostering a most rewarding challenge

A MOTHER and daughter from Cavan, who are both foster carers, are examples of how fulfilling the role can be.

Rosaleen Galligan and her husband, Bernard, have welcomed more than 70 children to their Kilnaleck home in the past 30 years.

“My father used to say that, if I saw a baby, I would want to take it home with me,” Rosaleen told the Celt. “He loved animals and was always adding to our family with pets and there were always lots of children around.”

A chance conversation with a woman who was fostering inspired Rosaleen to “make the call” about becoming a carer. Rosaleen’s sister, Patricia, also fosters two children.

And growing up with so many ‘brothers and sisters’ inspired Rosaleen's daughter, Katelyn Lee, to become a foster carer. She and her husband Carl now look after two foster children along with her own two biological children, all boys, under the age of five years.

This National Foster Carers Awareness Month, Rosaleen says she would “love to be starting all over again” so fulfilling and rewarding the experience has been for her.

Katelyn, meanwhile, says there was never any doubt she would follow in her parents’ footsteps.

“Even when Carl and I started dating as teenagers, I was always very vocal about wanting to foster,” Katelyn said. “So Carl has been around foster caring a lot... it was the easiest decision for us to make.”

Neither mother glosses over how “challenging and difficult” being a carer to some of the State’s most vulnerable children can be. And both women admit it is “heartbreaking” to see a child you have nurtured and cared for, built up trust and a bond with, move on in life, but still, they say, it is “definitely” worth it.

Complex but simple

Children today have more complex needs and come from a wide range of backgrounds compared to when Rosaleen and Bernard started fostering over three decades ago, but she said children’s needs and the ways to meet them can still be very simple.

“Children now have access to the internet, there are vapes and mobile phones and drugs,” Rosaleen said. “They may have seen all that at home so to them it is completely normal.

“We don’t have a lot of rules but, when a child first comes to us, we explain that we hand in our phones over at night, the WiFi is turned off at a certain time and we don’t hurt people nor use bad language.

“Once they see that the rules apply to everyone in the house and not just for them, it normally works well,” Rosaleen said.

When asked what attributes she feels foster parents should have, Katelyn didn’t hesitate to say “patience and empathy” both of which, she said, she learned from her mam and dad.

“You cannot judge the parents of the children you look after. You have to have empathy for the children and their situation,” Katelyn said. “Something that I really learnt from my mam is to try, where possible, to build relationships with the parents. It’s about anything that benefits the child in the long run after all.”

“You have to look at things from the children’s side and you cannot judge the parents,” Rosaleen said when the Celt spoke to her separately. “You have to have empathy for their situation. We can all get into difficulty in our lives and some of them have come from broken families themselves,” she added.

Rosaleen has looked after children as young as newborns to those aged 17. Are there any similarities in how the children feel when they first enter her home?

“Most children are quiet and withdrawn and that is when you have to be kind and gentle,” she explained.

“You have to remember that these children have just left everything that is familiar to them,” Katelyn added.

“Teenagers don’t want to be there at all,” Rosaleen said. “You don’t rush things. It is so important to be patient, patient, patient. You just show them that they are safe and if, for example, they break something you reassure them ‘it’s OK’; if they do something wrong, you tell them: ‘it will be fine’.

“It could take months before there is a breakthrough but, if you are patient and gentle, they will eventually come to you. You can’t rush it.”

A job worth doing

When the Celt spoke to Katelyn, she said one of her own children and one of her foster children were playing together.

“It always makes me smile,” she said. “Watching these kids and the ones I lived with in Mam and Dad’s grow up happy is the most rewarding thing about fostering.

“I’ve seen children take a couple of days before they smile and a couple of years to give you a hug but, when the hug comes, it puts a smile on my face because I know I’ve done something right for that child.

“And if I can do it, anyone can do it,” Katelyn adds.

Rosaleen and Bernard’s house is still considered home by three long-term foster children – siblings Stacey (25) and Shannon (23), who have now “aged out” of fostering and a 12-year-old girl, who has several developmental issues.

The two young women may have moved out and moved on with their own lives but they’re still very much part of the family.

“Rosaleen is such a motherly figure, and Bernard is the best dad ever. You could always go to dad if you needed something,” says Stacey, who studied childcare herself after being inspired by the love and support she witnessed in the Galligan home.

“Rosaleen and Bernard have always made us feel no different to their own children,” says Stacey. “I’ve never considered myself not to be a member of the family. Growing up, Shannon and I were always seen by the neighbours as being one of the Galligans.”

The first step

Both Rosaleen and Katelyn want to be open and transparent about fostering, which is not without its challenges but mother and daughter say that foster parents are fully supported throughout the process by Tusla Fostering.

“We are blessed in Cavan and Monaghan with an excellent service and team,” Rosaleen said. “If ever I came up against something that I needed advice on or even, expertise, Tusla is on the other end of the phone.”

“The support we have received from Tusla has been amazing,” Katelyn agrees, “You do not go into fostering on your own. You are supported throughout there is ongoing training, there are experts on hand.”

Need for foster carers

“Right now, in every part of Ireland there is a need for foster carers,” Tusla’s National Lead for Fostering, Jacqui Smyth says. “Tusla Fostering welcomes applicants and enquiries from all backgrounds to provide foster care, which comes in a variety of forms, from short-term respite care to relative care and long-term.”

“I’ve never looked back,” Katelyn says of her carer role and, to anyone considering fostering, the young mum says: “It’s like everything in life - you’re not going to know if you’ll like it or be good at it until you try.

“Explore foster caring, gain knowledge, speak to carers and professionals but make that call. You can do it.”

“Have the conversation to see if it’s for you,” Rosaleen adds. “There are many children out there who need a foster parent. I have loved every minute of it.”