‘We need to start having tough conversations’
TRAGEDY Head of SOSAD Cavan speaks out
The head of local suicide bereavement and awareness support charity, SOSAD, believes “tough conversations” are needed and our “language” when discussing the subject of suicide needs to be re-examined.
“It’s a fine line between being sensitive but firm,” says Christine Wynne, who openly acknowledges that silence or insensitivity can sometimes makes matters worse for a person encountering suicidal thoughts or behaviours. “But we need start having these conversations, tough conversations, but we need to start talking.”
Her comments are in reaction to reports of more tragic deaths in the community over the past week and, while she understands that people are “hurting”, Christine suggests that the occurrence presents “an opportunity to begin a conversation”.
“If you’re parents of a young person, sit down with them, talk to them. Some young people might appear troubled and that’s an obvious one, but there are others out there who might appear they’re going about their daily life seemingly with nothing going on.”
Christine says there is always a “reason” why someone struggles with thoughts of ending their own lives, whether that becomes apparent or even never comes to light, but she laments how the “rumour mill can run rife” in a desperate attempt to find an explanation.
“Jumping to conclusions or finger pointing isn’t helpful. The rumour mill might say there’s nothing wrong here’, but yet you’ve a set of parents preparing to bury their child, or a family saying goodbye to a father, brother, or son. It’s not always the people who present as troubled, or with something on their mind.”
Christine believes that what people say or sometimes don’t say, and how it’s said, can make a difference. “Perspective” though is what she’s asking for, and she worries that loss of life through suicide can sometimes be “glorified” amid the grief.
“They’re phrases we all use. ‘Oh they had everything going for them’, or ‘they’re in a better place now’, we need to be more aware about what language we use,” she cautions, fully understanding that at times of such unbearable loss people do find themselves “for want of a better way of saying it, lost of words”.
“If you have a teenager struggling, and they think this place is sh*t, but they’re hearing about this ‘better place’, we need to watch our language. We need to address that as much as anything else. We need to rethink how we talk about death, not only suicide. We need to be more aware about the words we use, and how influential they might be to an impressionable younger person.”
She adds: “It goes back to sitting down and starting the conversation. If it’s your kids, you can’t just have the nice conversation, the ‘are you okay?’, or ‘you know where I am if you’re struggling’. We need to ask more than that: ‘Are you in trouble with anyone?’, ‘Are you being bullied?’, ‘Are you the bully?’. ‘Are you involved in drugs?’. It’s about asking the hard questions as well.
“It’s not about getting information. It’s about opening a dialogue for communication and, while they might not be struggling with any of these things right now, if they ever are, they know they can come to you knowing they can talk. It’s not about today’s and tomorrow’s conversations, it’s about this time next year or the year after that, opening those pathways.”
SUPPORTS
SOSAD can be contacted 24 hours a day, in confidence, on 1800-901-909. The Cavan office and drop-in centre is based at 26 Bridge Street, Cavan (H12 C9P7). Call 049-4326339 or email cavan@sosadireland.ie